I don’t want to do this anymore.
I feel terrible, constantly. I’m exhausted, I’m losing everything, and I might lost more.
I’m almost considering we just stay here, rather than try to get home, because lets face it, it would take Bertolin a long, long time to find us and he doesn’t move that fast.
I talked to Saran tonight. He’s planning to contact me every night now so that they know we are alright. I want to be happy that someone is finally looking out for me, but hey the last time that happened I watched them get murdered after basically causing their death.
Saran says it was a set up. Lexonal started the fight with me so I’d be awake, so that I’d know to run… it doesn’t make any of this any better, that and the rest just leaves me raw. I don’t want to do this anymore.
The elf, you know, the one we saved from Freehold, yeah… so you know how there are no changelings in the elven city? Well that’s because they go through a ritual to make them full elves, and then they forget everything that happened to them before.
(droplets mark the page causing the bottom of the last line to smear slightly, though it remains legible.)
Looks like I wasn’t as alone in the world as I thought, and I think she’d started to figure it out, but I didn’t. Knowing that she was probably the one that betrayed me to the Ordo Magica only makes it hurt worse. I don’t understand any of this and I don’t want to. I just want to forget, and — no, I don’t want to forget. I would be just like them.
We think that Lexonal and my mother continued their relationship after I was gone, that she was a changeling too and rather than dying he made her an elf and married her. Which is why no one found me, they probably just stopped looking.
I hate rabbit. I remember liking rabbit, but it no longer likes me. I think my toes are in the bucket over there… and I can’t tell if it’s my stomach or my nerves that make me wretch just about everything that I eat. Telk looks worried, but isn’t saying why. I keep telling him that I’m sure it will pass and I’ll be fine, but you know how he is by now.
This place makes my skin crawl. There are witches everywhere, and worse; they’ve been keeping slaves without even knowing it. It’s just like humans to not even consider that anything else is sentient. They are worse then elves like that, not by much but it’s enough.
The only reason I’m even entertaining the idea of playing nice with the humans is because they have theurgy here. They could help Telk, or me, or any of us really. They acted like they wanted to study us though which just makes me feel less comfortable. Maybe we should just take off after sunrise tomorrow and try to get south. Six months is a long time, and we have horses now so maybe it won’t be so bad. Only problem with that plan is I won’t survive six months in the dark. Not with how sick I am already, not to mention the corruption.
Maybe I’ll feel better in the morning.